Volume I, Number 6, Spring/Summer 2006

 

     The following piece was sent in by one of the citizens of our community in response to the current state of decision making by the art establishment as to what style of art should be exhibited in art museums as contemporary art. This page is open for you to have your opinions and/or commentary published.

I saw this article and just had to pass on news of this exciting trend:
Jen Trute

SAN DIEGO - The National Football League in its annual conference "Sports Trends and Strategies" has retained the services of Dr. Barry Bleek of the American Association of Art Museums (AAAM) in an effort to update the sport to appeal to the elites previously impervious to football marketing.
     The League has decided, under the advisement of Dr. Bleek, that contrary to public opinion, most professional football players today do not belong in the major stadiums but should be satisfied playing in the dirt lots behind and around the Wal-Marts prevalent in most large cities and small towns. Teams will be cutting their rosters by 99%, and only those players with the finest physiques and ability to engage in witty repartee on camera will be playing from now on.
     The game has been drastically revised so that instead of 4 quarters of 15 minutes each, with the ball passed from teammate to teammate and run through a gauntlet to get to the goal post at the other end of the field, 2 players on each team will hold the ball in the left hand and then the right, alternating hands at 10 minute intervals apiece, then will slowly toss the ball while in a stationary position in a vertical motion for the remaining 45 minutes.
     In a revolutionary new "interactive" twist, fans will be invited to toss their hot dogs onto the field at the beginning of every game, thereby creating a symbiotic relationship between fan and player. Halftime will consist of four players sitting, one in each corner of the field, looking towards the center, as the antics of cheerleaders and marching bands have been done away with also. The details of the revised format can be seen at www.nfl/artcorruption.net.
     As can be imagined, players unions have decried the new NFL as "insanely self-destructive to the game" and have claimed that the 99% of players now without any hope of ever playing in a stadium again will languish in the back lots of America's small towns.
     But experts claim that this new approach will be good for the game in the long run, that the skills of the players so valued in the past are no longer relevant, and that if certain sectors of the population cannot grasp the intellectual value of the new game then well that's just "too bad for them".
     Ticket sales are initially expected to drop from 56,000 seats per game to roughly 150 to 200 intellectuals. This initial "shock and outrage" reaction on the part of the fans is expected to pass eventually. A core base of 2,000 to 3,500 is expected to phase in eventually as prior fans realize that they have no other football entertainment option and/or acquire a taste for the updated sport.
     In a related note, children who formerly excelled in football and no longer have that outlet available to them are being referred their local school guidance councilors who are distributing free "PROZAC For Life" promotional kits. Thanks to a joint venture of the NFL, the AAAM, the Eli Lily & Co (manufacturers of Prozac), and a Federal grant, the availability of these kits is expected to reach approximately 13.7 million 7-12 graders with sports abilities.
     Currently, the free kits are available only to K-12 school age children who show signs of artistic ability.

     Please feel free to contact us at artist@artistsezine.com with your opinions and/or comments. Put artist in the Subject for us to open your message. We look forward to hearing from you.

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